Rob Voyle's Appreciative Way Blog
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The Search Process: It is not Dating
Posted: February 14, 2014 by Rob Voyle
Are you searching for a new position?
How do you metaphorically describe the search process?
Does your metaphor help of hinder you?
Recently I worked with a pastor who described her experience and frustration of not being selected for several senior ministry positions after going through several layers of interviews and selection processes. Now she even dreaded going on an interview which she described as: "Going on a first date."
I have heard that "dating" metaphor applied to the search process many times before and just ignored it. Having spent the last few years learning how to pay attention to my clients metaphoric communication this simple metaphor of dating quickly brought into focus her resistance about going for another interview and some of the difficulties she was having in finding a new position.
If the job interview is a first date, then she is picturing her ministry as a romantic entanglement with a congregation.
Think of the implications and how often you have heard these expressions:
* I am always the bridesmaid
* The honeymoon is over
* I am divorced from the parish
* I am married to the job
Think also of how clergy spouses often feel betrayed by the relationships their partner has with their congregation.
And even going back to the interview process.
Do you remember "first dates." - yikes!
It means that the job interview evokes all the anxieties and emotions of a date, and a first date at that, rather than the intellectual curiosity of exploring professional possibilities.
The solution was also simple: This client loves to walk. Seeing the search process as: "taking a walk" with the interviewers, "walking through various options," makes profound sense to this client and it evokes her curiosity rather than her anxiety.
She also knows that some people are creative to walk with, and others are not. In her discernment she can simply ask:
"Would I like to walk with these people?" "Would walking with these people be life-giving for me and for them?" or "Would we just stumble around and get lost?"
So if you are in a search process how are you defining it?
Think about what you deeply love to do, especially those simple things like reading, walking, cooking, etc. that brings you deep satisfaction.
What would it be like to reframe your search process as an opportunity to engage in what you love to do and explore whether the essence of what you love to do would be welcome in this congregation. If it would not be welcome or wouldn't be life-giving: leave! This is not the congregation for you.
If you would like to learn more about using your parishioners or clients metaphors I encourage you to check out the Metaphor of Movement Training with Andy Austin
http://andreasnlptrainings.com/metaphors-of-movement/
Rob
See Assessing Skills and Discerning Calls to access the clergy search resources.
Additional Articles By Year: 2016 | 2015 | 2014 | 2013 | 2012 | 2011 | 2010
Previous Posts By Category
Coaching
- I Saw Satan Fall From Heaven
- Church Growth Makes Absolutely no Sense
- Agents of Change or Agents of God, and What's Christmas Got to Do With It?
- Are You Using the Right Map?
- Coaching: Paul's Conundrum Explained
- Goals Must Be Imaginable
- Coaching Next Steps to Achieving Goals
- Shaman 101: Change the Question
- Changing the Paradigm of Blame
- The Sermon I Need to Hear this Christmas
- Blue Christmas Meditation
- What's the Purpose, What's My Purpose?
- Church Growth and Making Disciples
- Thinking about Language: Are People Assets or Treasures?
- Transfiguration and Agents of Transformation
- Managing Resistance to Change
- Ensuring Change is a Blessing
- Growing Leaders Through Intentional Coaching
- Forget Balance, Get Integrated!
- Get Feed-Forward not Feed-Back
- The Power of Great Questions
Forgiveness
- No Reconciliation Without Repentance
- Moving Mountains of Resentment and Uprooting Mulberry Trees of Misery
- Teach Your Congregation to Forgive: Five Week Lenten program
- Forgiveness and Standing Silent Before the Pilates of this World
- Transforming Anger Into Practical Compassion
- Teaching Forgiveness and Staying in Love
- Stick with Love if You Want Others to Change
- I Tried, But I Just Can't Forgive: Part II
- I Tried, But I Just Can't Forgive: Part I
- The Power to Resolve the Past Is Within You?
- Teach Them How to Forgive this Sunday
- Transforming Victim Narratives: Mark 7:24-30
- 9/11: Resentment, Forgiveness, and Reconciliation
Leadership
- Parishioners and Staff are Treasures not Assets
- Anglican Primates: My Appreciative Way Perspective on the Conflict
- Leadership is About Empowering not Controlling
- Who is the Greatest: Calling Forth the Best
- Discovering the Power of an Ennobling Dream
- Incarnational Leadership
- Core Leadership Competencies: Three Ways of Being a Leader.
- Core Leadership Competencies: The Art of Wise Pruning.
- Core Competencies for Being Your Congregation's Chief: Asking Powerful Questions.
- Core Leadership Competencies: Empowering Others
- Core Competencies for Being Your Congregation's Chief
- Creating Sustainable Change through Incarnational Leadership
- The Challenge of Growing the Church
- All Sustainable Change is an Inside Job
- The Importance of Understanding Your Purpose
- Thinking and Acting Like a Leader
Performance Review
Sermon
- Those Damn Foreigners!
- No, You Don't Want to Take Your Ministry to the Next Level
- Why Be Good
- Teach Us to Pray
- We Are God's Chosen People Not God's Protected People
- Easter and Three Stories When Bad Stuff Happens
- An Appreciative Lent
- Remembering Dr. King
- Find Resurrection this Easter not Reincarnation
- Lent, Coaching, Change and Transformation
- Doing the Unexpected this Christmas
- Appreciatively Thinking about Lent and the Ten commandments
- Thinking about Lent, Sin, and Grace
- Lent and an Appreciative Approach to Repentance
Teaching Love
Tigers
Previous Posts By Date
2016
- The Amur Tigers Need You!
- No Reconciliation Without Repentance
- Confessions and Repentance for Election Failure!
- Those Damn Foreigners!
- Moving Mountains of Resentment and Uprooting Mulberry Trees of Misery
- Teach Your Congregation to Forgive: Five Week Lenten program
- No, You Don't Want to Take Your Ministry to the Next Level
- Parishioners and Staff are Treasures not Assets
- Why Be Good
- Teach Us to Pray
- Good Samaritans and What Is Love Calling Us To Do
- I Saw Satan Fall From Heaven
- We Are God's Chosen People Not God's Protected People
- Forgiveness and Standing Silent Before the Pilates of this World
- Transforming Anger Into Practical Compassion
- Teaching Forgiveness and Staying in Love
- Church Growth Makes Absolutely no Sense
- Anglican Primates: My Appreciative Way Perspective on the Conflict
- Stick with Love if You Want Others to Change
2015
- Agents of Change or Agents of God, and What's Christmas Got to Do With It?
- Teaching People How to Say Yes to Sex
- Leadership is About Empowering not Controlling
- Who is the Greatest: Calling Forth the Best
- What in God's name is Going On Here?
- I Tried, But I Just Can't Forgive: Part II
- I Tried, But I Just Can't Forgive: Part I
- The Power to Resolve the Past Is Within You?
- Are You Using the Right Map?
2014
- Christmas: God the slow learner, but thank Jesus, God learns!
- People in the Church Love Change!
- Teach Them How to Forgive this Sunday
- Coaching: Paul's Conundrum Explained
- Goals Must Be Imaginable
- Coaching Next Steps to Achieving Goals
- Mutual Ministry Valuation
- I Hate Performance Reviews: Creating Cultures of Excellence
- Why did Christianity Flourish: The Power of Your Easter Story
- Easter and Three Stories When Bad Stuff Happens
- Shaman 101: Change the Question
- The Search Process: It is not Dating
- Discovering the Power of an Ennobling Dream
2013
- Incarnational Leadership
- Changing the Paradigm of Blame
- Core Leadership Competencies: Three Ways of Being a Leader.
- Core Leadership Competencies: The Art of Wise Pruning.
- Core Competencies for Being Your Congregation's Chief: Asking Powerful Questions.
- Core Leadership Competencies: Empowering Others
- Core Competencies for Being Your Congregation's Chief
- An Appreciative Lent
2012
- The Sermon I Need to Hear this Christmas
- Blue Christmas Meditation
- Remembering Dr. King
- What's the Purpose, What's My Purpose?
- The Language of Growing in Love
- Church Growth and Making Disciples
- Transforming Victim Narratives: Mark 7:24-30
- Creating Sustainable Change through Incarnational Leadership
- Find Resurrection this Easter not Reincarnation
- Lent, Coaching, Change and Transformation
- Thinking about Language: Are People Assets or Treasures?
- From Transfiguration to Tempting Job Offers
- Transfiguration and Agents of Transformation
- Managing Resistance to Change
2011
2010
- The Importance of Understanding Your Purpose
- Thinking about Lent, Sin, and Grace
- Ensuring Change is a Blessing
- Thinking and Acting Like a Leader
- Growing Leaders Through Intentional Coaching
- Forget Balance, Get Integrated!
- Get Feed-Forward not Feed-Back
- Lent and an Appreciative Approach to Repentance
- The Power of Great Questions
The Appreciative Way
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About the Author
Rob Voyle
The Rev. Dr. Rob Voyle is a leader in the development and use of appreciative inquiry in church and coaching settings.
Rob's Approach to Training
- Helpful: Training must provide practical, sustainable solutions for today's challenges.
- Humorous: Creativity and humor go together as people enjoy new insights.
- Healing: I create opportunities for people to experience transformational insights that lead to new ways of living, working, and being in the world.
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